Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
