this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
