Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
