We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
