True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
