soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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