Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there is glitter all over my balls
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
