This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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