as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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