Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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