this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
