found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
