I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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