I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
