SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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