you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
