I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
