It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
