me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize