OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
