Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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