Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
