I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
