Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
