It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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