i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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