Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
