I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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