ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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