I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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