saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
