Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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