so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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