Your face is a jimmy john
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
