he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
