he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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