omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
