i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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