the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
