Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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