Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
