you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
