Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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