we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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