I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize