Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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