I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
