I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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