He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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