she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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