just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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