My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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