can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
