I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
