Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
