and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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