I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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