I just cut my nipple shaving
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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