forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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