I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
