At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
