i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
