you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
