dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We got so high we made milksteak
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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