We're like a lot better than the average bears
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
