it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
